late november

dear anger,

i was so glad to find you when i needed you. for more than a decade you gave me my voice, the only instances of active self esteem or self love i have ever had, kept me safe, kept me moving forward when there was so little encouragement. i wish we had not been kept apart for so long. i wish i had let alex knapp witness you. i wish i had thrown all of sean's shit off the balcony. i wish i was half as empowered in actuality as you make me feel.

part of the harm this year was how quiet i had to keep you. (and if it's you that is causing my IBS, i forgive you.) ray should have seen more of you. the ombudsmen and orderlies and social workers and administrators and cops and sergeants and therapists should have seen more of you. i know you are as mad as i am that ray has escaped a real meeting with you. 

you deserved to show up, full force, about so many things. and for the full duration of the year, not just this fall. 

i think you are my only true partner.