You won’t ever have to contend with the damage you caused 

Even if you come to contend with me

And I , who still love you, cannot hold you accountable 

For the damage you caused to me 

For what you made me see, hear, do, scream

For begging you on my knees in my own living room 

When I said I would never beg again.

Do you make a liar of me? Or a cheat? Or just

Someone small, hopeful, crying, bruised

And waiting for your eyes to look like your own again. 

there is no space in my life right now for anyone who i feel any level of doubt about their ability to recognize and witness my trauma or my healing

i bless and release all those who came to me through ray

i would rather be alone than fight with anyone, i would rather hear silence than song, i would rather be in control of my home, i would rather hold myself down than let anyone else try

i would put ray in jail without batting an eye

i have gone too long without being heard