yesterday emily said to me
i will choose the movement over you
i am afraid 
my best friend "othered" me 
you've been fighting for so long you need to assess who you are fighting 
i've never heard you say "i" so much, you know the movement is about "we"

emily has been absent for weeks, half-present for months. has not done anything for REACH yet, has not even read a single word of anything about care response. has not supported me with NLG, was not even aware of what i had been doing for NLG. offered to dog sit over O22 weekend for me, then made everything more complicated for me because she wanted to hook up with someone over the weekend. has been using my car, has been heavily leaning on me emotionally, because of the stalker, someone she continues to monitor and occasionally interact with, someone she has always failed to hold healthy boundaries with and failed to react to consecutive red flags that increased with time. 

alone used to feel like a threat. oh people will leave me. people have left me. alone used to feel like abandoned. of all those who have abandoned me, i miss only a few. there are so many moments now when it feels like a promise, a treat, the only light left at the end of the tunnel. alone feels like not holding the bag for anyone else's life. alone is a privilege. alone is safe. alone is in control of my environment and my emotions.