I might forget that I slept on the couch for weeks, months, because it felt safer, and ridiculed myself the whole time for not being normal 

I might forget that I watched the same season of the same ten-year-old tv show over, and over, and over, for the comfort of predictability, not having to learn, or pay attention, or hang onto a plot. That I stopped reading, that I stopped listening to music. That I stopped playing music. That I stopped writing. 

That I can’t get care from certain teams and facilities, because I called and screamed too many times on your behalf. 

I might forget that the dogs behavior changed, that I gained weight, that lawny and I became a tightly wound ball of codependent anxiety. That Kristen told me to write a letter to lawny as a journal entry and I could only sob, thinking of how I hold the consequences for lawnys life changing because of Rays behavior. I wish no one had ever kicked any dog. 

Tell ray I love Michele. Tell ray there are entire minutes now where i forget the fact that he exists.