early november

i will probably forget-- but do not ever want to forgive-- ray for:

leaving my mom a hysterical 4am voicemail & demanding she pass it on to me

telling me that i just didn't understand his trauma & how he was processing it

leaving B Riley

calling me incessantly from the hospital to make sure i was getting him out

making everything so awful for so long that i had no choice but to tell my bosses

screaming at me, being aggressive & violent, scaring me even after i told him he was

then being angry with me for keeping my back to the wall for a few days after

making me not tell my parents then making me have any kind of emotional discussion with them in any capacity

fucking up my house and deck and basement and garage and car

making me dependent on other people-- especially my parents-- and especially for money

making me divorce him

taking himself away from me & ruining all our dreams and plans and history