today i watched AOC's video about what happened to her the day of the coup in the capitol building. she was describing being aggressed by a cop, thinking her life was ending, and how slow time went, and how her feeling toward her community was that if this was how her life was written, then that was okay and she had fulfilled her purpose and others could walk that path forward. 

it's disheartening to hear my own heart coming out of a stranger. that women like us become wired this way, become programmed by repeated exposure to behave like fierce strategists and abuse survivors-- this is after all the same behavior set. 

rereading my book and some of it sure looks like ptsd, looking at it now.