june 20, 2021

when i kill myself

when i kill myself i'll use a gun. they say women opt for poison usually, overdoses, quiet ends. but i would add my body to the bearing of trauma on the face of this world.

when i kill myself the note will read "i have loved every single one of you since the day i was born"

when i kill myself i dare you to put on a funeral. i dare you to try to gather people who could speak in any direct way about who i am. i know already they will tell of the work i have done, and not who i am. 

this is who i am: pure, and purely terrified. scared in my bones of life, for life, against life. and also: capable of the most fearless decisions you ever had the fortune to witness. you're welcome. you're welcome. 

when i kill myself