may 2, 2021

things you get from a lifetime of trauma that nobody talks about:

heartburn or nausea. all the time! sleep disruption, appetite disruption, and a strong desire for substance abuse. congratulations, other people did this to your body.

convinced that you are alone. all the time! there will never be another human capable of seeing or hearing you. sure, you'll love folks, and they'll tell you that they love you back, but this is a lie, and someday they will hurt you, and you can know right now that you are right and eventually be proven right. you will be proven right.

demonstrable proof that other people are shit. like, a lot of it. lists of it. other people seem to not keep these lists, which i don't understand.

ease of attachment and ease of dissolution. get ready for me to love you hard and leave you easy the minute you cross a boundary. 

oh also, boundaries. if you don't learn them, you'll die. and when you do learn them, the ecosystem you live in is so fucked up, they'll make everyone enraged or sad, so be sure to counterbalance with fawn behaviors.

i've been to move than ten years of therapy. group, talk, CBT, ACT, i've done it. i have survived an abusive family, abusive employers, rapists, abusive partners, two stalkers and growing up in a cult. who could tell me at this end of my life that i am wrong?