it is good that i took a run at dorene, the eldest sister, dorene the peacemaker, dorene the teacher, dorene the gentle soul everyone is supposed to feel safe with. it is good for me to realize that the same response sets underly all of her choices as are clear on the surface of my mother's. 

no safe harbor in this family for anti-narcissism.

i said what i meant and i meant what i said: i choose myself above anyone else's comfort, always. and will, always, going forward. i am committed to that for myself. i am capable of nothing else. 

a whole essay reply about how i wasn't noticed, and the beginnings of her own defensive posture. not a single piece of recognition of myself in anything she wrote. 

each generation does better than the one before it, they say. i am happy to end the family tree with my own body.