is it that struggling with issues of self worth keep me humble
or is it that i am humbled by an honest self assessment

and how to define what i need within those parameters
when what i need will be graded by what i am worth?

i just want to go to the art museum
and stand in front of the Monet
and feel simultaneously indelicate, and beautiful
harsh, and feminine
insane, and certain
for what i am in looking at it.
not ever enough to know it-- not sweet enough, educated enough,
docile enough, tempered enough--
but changeable enough to have room to hope.

and then to go sit in the green grass by the reflecting pool and maybe even write something which isn't shit, maybe even something which isn't about you, maybe think calm and approachable thoughts about who i am and what i want my life to be, maybe think thoughts that are not about you

i want someone who objectifies me just enough