I forgot you are mostly interested in speaking. In being heard,
In making the hearts around you stop.
I have been an engaging playmate, careful, intellectual,
Pleased to bend my body to pleasure you.
Pleased also to bend my will: what would you have me do?
What ought I, in this moment, say or be or want?
I forgot you are distant, hard to read,
In a way that I (stupidly) find incredibly alluring:
Why can't I know you?
I will make assumptions anyway, and these
Will help me guess at what to do or be to best please you.
So it is a cycle, powered by my desire--
Ostensibly, I desire your friendship, your partnership,
But-- what if I am learning that desire can be made to be superficial
While the host remains deep, hot, secure? Can I not
Imagine the taste of your skin, while also
Fastening my heart to the weight in my gut-- weighted
In part because I know that you will leave me?