on the first day of 2020 we spent time together, and separately, and together. and we had dinner together at our dining room table, with a candle and music and holding hands, and you smiled at me and showed me that you can hear me, love me, know me, stand with me.
our disagreements are getting sharper; we are more able to hurt each other, when we feel backed into a corner. the hurt we feel seems to me to center in not being heard. and this makes sense to me, and i almost like this, about our fights. that we are fighting to be better known by each other, to be better understood.
my god, the lump in my throat when i think about losing you. the break in my heartbeat that threatens to undo my whole body.
there is no one i would be with in this moment but you. there is no one i would support or accept support from, love or be loved by, hear or be heard by, but you.