why do i hate the holidays so much

obligatory socializing with people i don't like
obligatory performance of love for family i don't like
obligatory expenditures for things i don't care about
disruption of what my normal is-- different schedule, different bed, different food
pressure to be seen as enjoying all of it
travel sucks, flying or driving, it's twice as expensive and time consuming and aggravating

i want to stop saying things to myself like "i'd rather be working" because, i am not valuing work over love or joy or peace, but i am valuing consistency, reciprocity, spending time with the people i actually love. i often think "i'm glad i'm not there" but that has more to do with the "there" in question than being glad i'm not celebrating a holiday.