Yes I feel that way too

I read race books because nobody writes beautiful haunting polemics on rape

I read race books because no one ever tells rape survivors to expect, much less embrace, the white-clean rage that becomes a prescribed burning

I read race books because microaggressions against rape survivors are constant, everywhere, socially supported, the whisper that says don't jump so obviously when the door behind you slams

I read race books because my well-meaning therapist couldn't trace the deep fear of realizing that the criminal justice system was set up to protect my aggressor and not me 

I read race books because I needed someone to tell me that they too knew what it was to be wholly ostracized and wholly written off as of no further capitalist or socioeconomic worth 

I read race books because no one writes grounded, historical studies on the pervasive violence of men upon women from a vantage point that does not privilege the view of masculine primacy 

I read race books because James told me what it was to be invisible, Zora told me what it was to be hunted, Frantz told me what it was to carry a burden, and Toni told me what it meant to reclaim humanity in the face of deep injury

I read race books because the voices that I found there knew what it was to designate a whole swath of humanity as violent, criminal, aggressive, to be feared, to be avoided, to hold at arms length even the individuals who do not seem to behave in the way of the group they belong to, to expect hurt from an entire demographic, and be right