i am coming into my own, now.
strong and straight-shouldered, serious and long-sighted,
and searching for the ways
to make the changes i am going to make.
i am no nightingale, no half-life, no split personality and
no time constraints on my song.
i am no peacock, no tail for show or ostentatious strut,
in fact i am often awkward, and sometimes ugly,
mostly as brown and homely as the hen.
but sometimes hen, and sometimes hawk--
this is the difference, in me, between adolescence
and adulthood.
there is no getting past my habitual harsh self-hatred,
the frequency with which i put my foot in my mouth,
the tyranny of the inner monologue
and my tendency to judge everyone, myself most often,
on looks and codes and performances;
manifested in the full-body flush
that tells you without fail when i feel pressure or fear,
and those moments when my monologue
comes out of my mouth,
mischievous malcontent that it is,
intent on social mayhem and spiritual madness.
in these moments i am as squat and unkempt as a hen in the yard,
pigeon on the sidewalk,
pridefully preening fleas out of feces.
but catch me when i am feeling the fullness of legitimized rage,
the power of progressivism when i am on the street
or in the courthouse or the statehouse,
catch me when i have an audience and an idea at the same time,
watch me when i am wandering into
new political territory, someone else's sandbox,
coming up against established power structures or established egos,
people who have been in the game too long,
watch and see how this newcomer plays.
i have no time for your lies or delays, i have a message
and a mind that is slick and a spine that is straight,
i have a need to make waves
in this ocean where too many leaders
have been content to float, obese, obscene, shoved around by tides,
and i will make myself a tsunami
and you will be moved by my hands, by my words, by my work.
i am a hawk, strong-shouldered, long-sighted,
making miracles out of the molehills that left us stagnant for so long.
my power is built on memories,
my power is drawn from the weaknesses that i will still display
sometimes accidentally, sometimes purposefully,
because though i am a bird of prey
i remember falling out of the nest, and my straight shoulders
will catch my siblings as they fall too.
we are a phalanx of fearsome, awesome intent,
and my sisters and i will fly far.