for many years i've been
quietly tempering my closest-held dreams,
diluting and dampering the kinds of wishes
that are so deep
and real and true that they cannot even be articulated,
they cannot be depicted, for fear of
chastisement or abandonment or a very strong wind.
i have peeled these hopes out of my heart,
cast them off
as useless adornment, unintellectual, unwise.
if it doesn't further my career--
if it doesn't progress my education--
if it can't be put on my resume,
then i can't have it.
i am not sure what to do about this.
it is merely a statement of fact.