Slow starts the steady drip of me into your bed at night. Thought by thought, cell by cell, the conversion of me and my fear into a new beast.
My tense heart has watched you for weeks, searching your face for what I think is inevitable: the abandonment, the reversal, the punch line. Icy with the anxiety in my bones I have tried to respond to your prompts, your kind touch. I am too stiff to swim, and the current feels like a threat.
But the mammal in me cannot lie. Bloodwarmth in my veins and in the quiet of each morning I am already reaching for your mouth, for your curls in my greedy hands.
The memories make me pause. I wonder what your eyes see, what your mouth tastes, what your hands touch, and I am afraid. But the tide has already turned, the dam has already cracked.
I think about your dark eyes. I think about your laugh. I think about your hips, and your hands, and your kiss. I am irredeemable; I am ready to drown.