i want my tombstone to say,
she tried

when uncertainty is the strongest emotion--
doubt chasing lack finding questions--when uncertainty
is the rock in my stomach, the bile
of self-hatred burns right through it.
there is no doubt in my mind what your opinion of me is
or will be.

i want my tombstone to say, she
tried, and failed, but tried.
that somewhere on the earth there will be
a monument to failure
is almost
satisfying

at this point, it is only selfishness, it is only
a selfish desire to be wanted
that helps me think
that you could want me. but
i want my tombstone to say
she tried.