when i woke up today it was dark,

and i didn't bother opening my eyes because

there wouldn't have been anything to look at, anyway. 

the weather outside these walls

means nothing, makes no sound, has no impact,

could not sway me an inch

from this prone position on the side of the bed.

(i leave room for invisible you.)

in the heated haze of the day, when i am

swimming through experiences and emotions

and driving myself through those daily operations,

i am vaguely warmed by friction.

but the core of me lacks pressure, inertia,

desire, desperation, the ability

to turn the everyday into the clarity

of rock-hard love.

whether i have lost something deeply genuine

or have lost the ability to be deeply genuine myself

remains to be seen,

but the loss is insurmountable

without the internal churnings of need.