what exactly is needed, what am i missing,
what is it that i lack that all these other women
seem to have found in great quantity--
to find success, to find love, to find peace,
there must be some keystone that i don't have,
right? since the alternative
is that maybe it's just me, maybe i have not yet
swallowed enough, struggled enough,
can i not blame this on someone else for a change?
i have not been empowered enough, i was not given
the intelligence or the opportunities--
none of these things are true.
maybe all i lack is simple, is easy,
is just some innate quality that i haven't discovered
because i have been too busy building
to bridge the gaps of what i've lost.
i am too young to know real loss,
with the moderate success of the young and tired
that means i do not yet know real lack,
with the wide open aching heart
that means i tried to love and failed.
if all i want is to earn my own way,
find my own love, win my own wars,
is it my intent that is so wrong
or just the effort used to get there?